After some helish crazy day, I finally can sit, listen to a olad 1900 son and smoke, or write sth that isnt a paper o article or in anyway related to literature.
Well let me go to the point, sometimes you make a decision which will make you regret your whole life, make you embarrassed whenever the topic comes up, I think we all agree what is that topic for me, one word "the son of a bitch" he is and will be the point that will remind everybody how my judgment was sucky and fucked up. I have promised myself not to do such thing again, how improbable it looks, I intend to keep it and do not fall in such trap again. But still I cant look into the eyes of people I love when there is a smal refrece to the person I call more likely the sucky incident.
No other regrets, that I regret about.
I am good, well very good and I intend to keep going so. I am almost full, have no free time at all, from morning to afternoon work and study, then study and everynight at late I unleash the inner wild into the outworld wilderness and smoke, drink laugh eat.  I do enjoy the whole package, I feel I am moving forward and tet I have all the fun more than in fact of what I have gad before in a healthy way, strong and lovely way. Enough and nothing more. 

The point is that I dont need to choose one or have one, I have got both simultaneously and that is sufficient for now.